Chapter 36: Wavering

"Your mother is not dead. Mo Yangzhou has been lying to you all along; Jiang Wu is your mother."

"If you continue to be as indecisive as your father, Chu Ling will continue to monopolize your mother like this."

"Don't believe it? Then go and ask your father."

The master's words echoed in Mingzhu's mind, one after another.

She could no longer think; she only felt a surge of suffocating pressure in her chest as she rushed home in a single breath.

When she arrived, she saw Mo Yangzhou pacing back and forth in the courtyard, looking anxious. As their eyes met, the man saw her leap down from the wall, and his expression darkened as he hurried toward her.

"Where have you been? The city is crawling with soldiers hunting down martial arts practitioners, and you still dare to jump around like this! Can't you just use the front gate?"

His tone was uncharacteristically harsh, clearly fueled by anger born of overwhelming worry.

But Mingzhu no longer cared about any of that.

"Is she my mother?"

Caught in his rage, Mo Yangzhou was taken aback. "What?"

Mingzhu stared intently into his eyes, refusing to miss the slightest flicker of emotion.

She truly caught a glimpse of shock, as if the moment she said "she," her father knew exactly who she was referring to.

But that subtle shift vanished as quickly as it appeared. Mo Yangzhou frowned. "Why bring up your mother all of a sudden? And who is 'she'?"

Seeing him like this, Mo Mingzhu remained silent for a moment before turning to leave. But the man, quick as a flash, grabbed her by the wrist. "Where are you going?"

Mo Mingzhu looked back at him, her eyes burning with a stubborn, fierce intensity. "Since you won't tell me, I will go ask her myself."

This time, panic finally surfaced in Mo Yangzhou's eyes, and he gripped her tightly to keep her from leaving. "Have you lost your mind?"

"You know who I'm going to find, don't you?"

Mo Yangzhou was stunned by her words. Seeing his expression shift, Mingzhu knew he was contemplating how to deceive her again, so she pressed on: "Does she know too? Why didn't she want me? Why does she refuse to acknowledge me?"

"What are you talking about?" Even now, he insisted on saying nothing, his expression merely darkening. "Where did you hear such nonsense? Your mother is dead. Who are you planning to go find?"

Mo Mingzhu shook off his hand. "I will find the answer myself."

"Mingzhu!" Mo Yangzhou reached for her in desperation, but just moments ago, Mingzhu had allowed him to catch her; now that she was determined to leave, he didn't even brush against the hem of her clothes.

Ignoring her father's urgent calls, Mo Mingzhu vanished from his sight in a few swift leaps.

She was highly skilled in lightfoot maneuvers and could usually travel great distances without changing her expression or quickening her breath. But today, she could hear her own heavy, ragged breathing.

Was it anger? Sadness? Or excitement? She didn't know. She only wanted to see Jiang Wu, to ask her in person, to hear the answer from her own lips.

Are you my mother?

***

Nianyin had fallen asleep.

The little girl had been deeply traumatized, and even in her sleep, she clung tightly to Jiang Wu, who lay beside her.

Jiang Wu gently brushed the stray hair from her forehead, her eyes filled with pity.

How could her child suffer such an ordeal?

She recalled the name "Mingzhu" slipping out of her mouth while she held her daughter, and she could have bitten off her own tongue.

How did that happen? She truly didn't know. She hadn't been thinking of Mo Mingzhu at the time, yet the name had felt as familiar as if she had spoken it a thousand times, and she had uttered it in a trance.

Jiang Wu looked at her precious daughter with frustration. Fortunately, the child didn't seem to have heard it, so she hadn't reacted, only mentioning that it was Mingzhu who had saved her.

When asked for details, the girl hadn't said much, only that.

Jiang Wu didn't care about the details, but her heart ached with both sorrow and guilt.

A soft sound of footsteps drifted toward them.

***

Jiang Wu turned her head slightly; it was Chu Ling.

The man hadn't slept or rested for several days, and his eyes were filled with undisguised exhaustion.

In the days prior, Jiang Wu hadn't wanted to speak a single word to him; even looking at him had filled her with unbearable resentment.

If it weren't for him, how could their daughter have suffered such a fate?

She hated him so much that she naturally stopped being afraid of him. If something had truly happened to Nianyin, she wouldn't have wanted to spend another moment with this man, even if it cost her life.

Now that she saw her daughter had returned safely, the fury in her heart had slowly begun to subside.

Jiang Wu knew clearly that being Chu Ling's family meant enduring these things. It meant enduring the disasters he brought, but also receiving his protection.

If Chu Ling were to lose his power, she dared not imagine how many enemies would be waiting to tear everyone around him to pieces. They wouldn't care about innocence; they would only care about venting their spite and cutting out the roots of their hatred.

For the first time, she truly understood what the Empress Dowager had said.

They were a family, bound together.

Jiang Wu lowered her eyes and turned back to look at her daughter in her arms.

"Is Nianyin asleep?"

His voice was low and raspy. Chu Ling sat on the edge of the bed. The bed was small, and with the mother and daughter already occupying it, it was quite crowded, so he only sat on the very edge.

After a moment of silence, Jiang Wu hummed an acknowledgment.

This was the first time she had responded to Chu Ling in all these days.

Although it was just a hum, it was not difficult to hear the softening in her tone. The man's gaze grew deep. He reached out and took her hand, which was resting on Nianyin, and said softly, "It's all over now."

Jiang Wu's eyes grew slightly moist.

She hadn't given Chu Ling a kind look these past few days, but strangely, he had endured it all silently without losing his temper, and even now, he was comforting her.

Even though Jiang Wu loathed his oppressive nature and hated her own helplessness before him, she could not deny the sense of security he brought in times like these.

In just this short while, she had thought of so many things.

Although Chu Yan had been brought back by him, she hadn't been placed in the residence at the Peach Garden, and there had been no intimacy between them; he still insisted on maintaining her position as his legal wife in front of Chu Yan.

And the child wasn't even his.

Perhaps Chu Ling's affection had indeed been worn away over these many years.

She and her two children were, after all, dependent on him.

Jiang Wu felt as if she had almost convinced herself.

Thus, she turned the hand that Chu Ling was holding.

She had always known how to show weakness. It was just that her previous displays were mostly superficial and barely concealed her perfunctoriness, unlike now.

Jiang Wu interlaced her fingers with his.

Their hands, one large and one small, one tan and one fair, rested on Nianyin's quilt, as if they were guarding their daughter together.

Jiang Wu looked up at Chu Ling, who was silhouetted against the sunset.

The gold-plated hair of the man gave him a touch of warmth, and in his dark eyes, flames seemed to be flickering.

Jiang Wu said nothing, but he spoke: "In the future, such things will never happen again."

It was a promise to her.

He wasn't actually that bad, Jiang Wu told herself, turning her gaze back to her sleeping daughter.

Let it be this way, the voice in her heart whispered once more.

***

Although Nianyin had been frightened, her body had no major issues, so after resting for two days, she showed no signs of distress.

Jiang Wu didn't believe there were no aftereffects; having gone through such an experience, she didn't know what kind of shadow it would leave on the child's heart.

However, Nianyin said she wanted to visit her grandmother.

"On that day when we encountered the thieves, Grandmother was always protecting me. Now that I have returned, it is only right that I go to visit her."

The Duchess had also suffered serious injuries that day and was still recuperating in the estate. Having had her granddaughter taken away under her very nose, she was filled with self-reproach. After Nianyin returned, she had sent people to check on her many times and had sent many gifts.

Jiang Wu thought to herself that, regardless of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, at least the old lady had nothing to be faulted for regarding her own grandchildren.

It was only right to go and see her.

Not only Nianyin, but she should go too.

Jiang Wu set aside all her prejudices this time. After all, the thieves had come because of Chu Ling, not because of the old lady, and the old lady had fought to protect them, ending up even more severely injured than Nianyin.

People of her age could not handle such turmoil.

The Duchess's room was filled with a heavy medicinal scent. Knowing they were coming, the old lady had sat up in anticipation.

Upon seeing them, she called out "Nianyin," and the girl's eyes immediately reddened. "Grandmother." She was already at the bedside.

Having been raised by her for so long, even if there were occasional temper tantrums, the affection was real. The grandmother and granddaughter wept together. Jiang Wu stood to the side, feeling a bitter knot in her heart.

The Duchess never looked at Jiang Wu from beginning to end. Finally, fearing that Nianyin would exhaust herself from crying, she asked the servants to take Nianyin away to wash her face and rest, but she kept Jiang Wu behind.

Come to think of it, they had rarely been alone together.

Jiang Wu felt a bit panicked, standing by the bed without daring to speak.

After a long while, she heard the Duchess sigh. "Jiang Wu."

"I am here, Mother," Jiang Wu replied immediately.

"Originally, when Chu Ling said he wanted to take the two children back, I was against it."

Perhaps because of this illness, she seemed not only much older, but her voice was also clearly lacking its usual vigor.

So, whatever she said, Jiang Wu didn't get angry and just listened silently.

"But looking at it now, I am such an old woman; how long can I protect them? In the end, it still depends on you, the mother."

If this had been said in the past, Jiang Wu would have wanted to argue a few points.

But now, with the old lady saying this, she went along with it: "Mother is right." She thought about it and added, "I will naturally protect my own children as well."

There was still a hint of defiance in her tone.

The Duchess looked at her with an unreadable expression for a long while before continuing. "You are no longer an eighteen or nineteen-year-old girl. Half your life has passed, and at this age, why dwell on love and romance? You must remember your responsibilities. If you insist on being so stubborn about certain things, the end result is that everyone suffers with you. As for Chu Ling, if you could just soften your stance, what wouldn't he grant you?"

Jiang Wu didn't agree with the latter part and didn't take it to heart.

But the former part made her weigh her thoughts for quite a while.

She had never felt as lost as she did now.

Her previously firm resolve to divorce Chu Ling was beginning to waver, bit by bit.

Could the children really be fine without her?

Besides, she would never be able to see the father and daughter, Mingzhu and Mo Yangzhou, again.

But... she asked herself, was she wanting to leave Chu Ling because of Mo Yangzhou?

No.

It was because being with Chu Ling made her very miserable, and because she found him to be a person she truly disliked.

She wanted to escape this oppression; she wanted to live a free and uninhibited life.

Was that really... too selfish?