027 Severing Ties and Heading to the Desert

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People feel hurt for two reasons: they care too much about others, or others do not care about them. The saddest thing of all is caring for someone who does not care about you at all.

Even when such feelings have only just begun to take root, they are enough to leave the heart aching and ill at ease.

Ever since I learned that Musa had prepared yesterday’s iftar meal especially for me, my heart had unconsciously filled with intense hope. Yet in the very next instant, that hope plunged brutally into wistful disappointment.

I did not know why Ayoub looked pleased and excited when he saw Musa treating me coldly, and I had no room in my mind to dwell on the question. At that moment, all I could see were Musa’s evasive eyes, like a needle—tiny, yet piercing.

Once I had calmed myself, I gathered my thoughts and adopted a strictly businesslike attitude. Even my voice turned cool and distant.

“The deadline for our next group presentation is approaching, but our group has not produced a single result from its discussions. I know fasting is difficult for both of you, but you still need to do something, don’t you? You must find the materials and give them to me by tomorrow. I’ll handle the rest of the paper and the presentation. For the next presentation, we’ll switch assignments.”

With this arrangement, although we were still in the same group, there would be very little contact between us.

I admitted that part of me was acting out of spite.

“Don’t we need to discuss it?” Ayoub asked, puzzled.

“No.”

My answer was decisive, and it happened to suit Ayoub perfectly. Even if we discussed it, the two of them would not cooperate. It was Ramadan, and they did not eat during the day; they had countless excuses with which to evade their responsibilities.

Hearing this, Ayoub gave an embarrassed smile and agreed. Musa, meanwhile, remained silent.

I remembered how often Musa had frowned the previous night, as though his distaste were a knot that could never be undone. If that was how he felt, why had he come looking for me at all?

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In truth, he probably did not want to see me either, I thought bitterly.

Just then, Ayoub’s phone and mine rang at the same time.

Ayoub was already holding his phone. After glancing at it, he looked toward me.

“You received it too?”

I took out my phone and saw a message from Professor Amoud: “Come to my office after class.”

A word Yun Yushu had mentioned the night before suddenly surfaced in my mind: desert surveying.

As it turned out, I had guessed correctly. The information Senior Yun Yushu had provided was remarkably reliable. After class, Ayoub and I went together to Professor Amoud’s office, where an Indian student named Singh was already waiting.

“You are all master’s students now. It is time for you to gain some hands-on experience. I have an opportunity for you to take part in a desert-surveying project. You can use it to put yourselves through some practical training,” Professor Amoud said.

Before he could explain further, Singh had already stepped forward.

“Professor, I’ll go.”

This was hardly surprising. Singh’s family was not well-off, and working on a project with his supervisor would provide him with some additional income. Besides, he was genuinely passionate about academic fieldwork.

Indian and Chinese students were renowned among international students for their diligence.

The corner of Ayoub’s mouth twitched. True to his usual lazy ways, he found an excuse to refuse.

“Professor, I need to conserve my strength during Ramadan. I can’t go.”

“The desert trip will take place after Ramadan.”

Ayoub was unmoved. Scratching his head, he said, “There’s nothing I can do about that either. Not long after Eid, my younger sister is getting married.” Perhaps worried that a Canadian might not understand local wedding customs, he added, “In the United Arab Emirates, a wedding is the most important event in a person’s life. Even the smallest ones have at least six hundred guests. The celebration lasts three days, and since it’s my sister’s wedding, I’ll have to be busy as well.”

What Ayoub did not say was that he was already wealthy and had no need to earn the income his supervisor was offering.

Professor Amoud wore an expression of understanding, then turned his gaze toward me.

There was only one thing I cared about.

“Professor, if I go to the desert, will I still have to attend classes?”

“It will only be for a few days. It won’t interfere with anything, and it will be far more useful than sitting in class.” Perhaps he sensed the refusal in my words, because he gave himself an easy retreat. “Besides, going into the desert is rather hard on a young woman. Think it over before you decide.”

“I’ve already decided.”

The moment he finished speaking, I answered eagerly.

“Professor, I want to go. I really do.”

If I did not attend class, I would not see Musa. While my feelings were still shallow, perhaps it was best not to see him at all.

Let me hide away in the desolate desert for a while. There, silently, quietly, and with all my strength, I would smother these tangled emotions before they could fully take root.

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