038 A One-Time Experience Only

After hanging up the phone, Musa’s expression grew grave. He took a deep breath, steadying the ripples left by the intense struggle that had just passed, then exhaled slowly.

"Are you all right?" My concern felt pitifully inadequate.

"I'm fine." He offered a strained smile, then furrowed his brow, falling into deep contemplation.

Silence stretched between us. I didn't know whether I should say something to liven the atmosphere, or if he simply wanted to be left alone in the quiet.

"Um..." we both began at the same time.

He paused. "You go first."

I had absolutely nothing to say, so I shook my head. "You go first."

Musa laughed softly. "Very well, I will." He cleared his throat and said, in a tone that tried to sound as light as possible, "I would like you to do me a favor."

I rubbed my head in embarrassment, puzzled. "I’ve just arrived in Dubai. I’m penniless and know no one. How could I possibly help you?"

Musa turned to look at me, a faint smile gracing his handsome, refined face.

"Take me to Professor Al-Medin and tell him I want to join his project."

My body stiffened.

It was as if I had suddenly lost the power of speech, rendered mute and dazed. It took me a long time to regain my senses. "You want to go into the desert?"

His eyes were clear and bright, the corners of his mouth turned upward. "Why? Can I not go?"

"You can, it's just..." My voice trailed off, thinning into a mosquito’s hum.

"Yes?"

"No, nothing at all..."

But I had come here specifically to sever the ties of my heart; why must you follow?

I sighed inwardly, turning the thought over and over. I bit my lip, still wanting to find a tactful excuse to talk him out of it. "You’re heading into the desert right after Ramadan ends. I’m afraid your body won’t be able to take it."

"I am young; I will be fine."

"The stipend is very small, you know."

"I am not short of money."

I frowned. "It’s hard on your body and it doesn’t pay. Why do you want to go?"

He paused, then answered with measured clarity: "To learn."

I found myself speechless. Did he truly have that kind of resolve to "learn"?

Since his mind was made up, it was not my place to interfere. The more I tried to hide, the more unavoidable it became. Perhaps my attempt to escape had only invited this reunion; who could say which was the cause and which was the effect?

The car pulled up in front of the hotel. I unbuckled my seatbelt, thanked Musa again, and prepared to get out. Just as I opened the door, a sudden sense of unease welled up within me. I pulled my foot back, turned around, and asked, "Why not have Ayoub take you to see the Professor?"

They had been friends for years, and Ayoub was the Professor’s student. If he didn't want to go himself, finding someone to help would surely garner the Professor's favor. I, however, was just a Chinese girl with whom he had only a superficial connection. If he truly wanted to go, this request made no sense.

Musa’s previously calm expression froze.

I pressed further: "Does he know you’re going?"

After a moment of hesitation, Musa finally gave a silent, heavy, and helpless shake of his head.

"Why?"

"I am not telling him yet." Musa let out a long sigh. "When I return, I will tell him myself."

The air inside the car became stifling. I suddenly realized that I couldn't see anything clearly, nor could I guess what lay beneath. A sense of foreboding filled my chest. I was certain he was hiding something, but I couldn't tell if he was hiding it from Ayoub or from me.

I hung my head, and the tactful refusal I had been holding back finally slipped out. "Actually, you really don't have to go. There are so many Arabs here; if you look carefully, you’ll find another way. There’s still time—"

"No." He interrupted my rambling advice, speaking softly. "I have already told my mother, just now, while you were answering the phone for me. She finally agreed."

His golden-brown eyes looked at me, seemingly bottomless and tinged with bitterness. "She said that after I return, my life will be changed forever. So she allowed me to experience life in the depths of the desert—just this once, for the very last time."