Chapter Eighty-One

“If I had the chance to start over, I wouldn’t have joined the Tianyuan Team and met you. I’d rather just be an ordinary person. That way, I wouldn’t have crossed paths with Wang Tianqi and the others,” Huang Feifan said.

Zhang Yi patted Huang Feifan’s shoulder. “Maybe I wouldn’t have met you, either. If you hadn’t come to the recruitment that day, you might never have come to my house. Back then, whenever you were bullied, you always came to my place to calm down. But yesterday, you didn’t go home and made your parents worry. Aren’t you afraid?”

Huang Feifan gave a bitter, desolate smile. “Parents? To me, that family is already broken. Yesterday, when I didn’t go home but came here, I knew I’d never go back. That house isn’t my home anymore.” With that, Huang Feifan leaned against Zhang Yi’s shoulder, lost in memories of his family’s past. Back then, it had been a happy, harmonious home. But his father’s alcoholism and frequent violence tore it apart—his parents divorced, and his mother gained custody to spare Huang Feifan from his father’s abuse.

Yet, even after the storm had passed, disaster struck again. Somehow, his father managed to find them and began harassing his mother, demanding compensation for emotional distress. He claimed he’d spent all his energy on them and hadn’t gained anything. Even after the divorce, his father haunted them like a ghost. By law, his father’s actions should have been a crime, but no matter how far they moved, he always found them. In the end, Huang Feifan reached his breaking point. He was only ten at the time. Watching his father torment his mother, he couldn’t bear it anymore. He walked into the kitchen, grabbed a fruit knife, and approached his father.

Back then, Huang Feifan believed that if only this man were gone, maybe his mother wouldn’t suffer anymore. Both his mother and father were shocked to see him with a knife. His father kept backing away, asking him to calm down. But Huang Feifan was already consumed by a murderous impulse. Even though his mother tried to stop him, it was too late—Huang Feifan took matters into his own hands. That moment changed him forever.

Afterward, considering his age, the authorities reduced his punishment and focused on educating him. He was under fourteen and therefore not criminally liable. He had done it for his mother’s sake. Still, seeing her tears of disappointment filled him with indescribable sorrow, though he didn’t show it. After his father vanished, no one came to bother them again.

When Zhang Yi talked about parents, he simply listened, never mentioning his own father. He always felt guilty toward his mother for what he’d done, as if he’d stained his own life.

For someone who drinks excessively, or a woman who suffers domestic abuse, it’s clear that violence never solves anything. Male or female chauvinism only asserts dominance at home—outside, people pretend everything is fine, but it’s all a lie.

Maybe it was his authoritarian father that made Huang Feifan fearful of talking to the opposite sex. Whenever a girl approached, he’d avoid her, never knowing what might happen next.

It wasn’t until his mother enrolled him in Taekwondo—actually, the Tianyuan Team—that things changed. At the time, only Xiao Jian and Zhang Yi were on the team; Zhang Yan was already hospitalized and absent. After learning about his past from his mother, neither Xiao Jian nor Zhang Yi ostracized him. They cared for him, and over time, Huang Feifan gradually shed his old fears, though he still felt uneasy around girls.

Later, Wang Tianqi, Chen Siyu, Yuli, and Lin Zimo joined. When Huang Feifan first saw them, he was terrified. It was probably the most women he’d ever been around.

But perhaps that wasn’t a bad thing. With time, as he became familiar with them, his fear faded, and he became part of their circle. This made Zhang Yi very happy. Until yesterday, after the three girls put makeup on his face, Huang Feifan reverted to his former self, terrified of women, afraid to see Wang Tianqi and the others—not just out of wounded pride, but fear of being bullied.

That’s the short version of Huang Feifan’s story. Back in the present, Huang Feifan was in a good mood, feeling safe with Zhang Yi by his side. Once the sounds outside the door had faded, he asked, “Tell me, Zhang Yi, do you remember that thief?”

“The thief? Oh! You mean Li Li!” At the mention of a thief, Zhang Yi immediately thought of Li Li—the first thief he’d ever met. Just hearing the word brought her to mind.

“I heard the two of you had something special. Do you have feelings for her?” Huang Feifan reluctantly pulled away from Zhang Yi’s shoulder. It was Zhang Yi who made him feel so safe—at least, that’s what Huang Feifan believed.

Huang Feifan was curious about Zhang Yi and Li Li. Zhang Yi just shook his head and sighed. “Don’t get me started. I haven’t seen her since she was discharged from the hospital. The last time we met, she came to my house. Maybe freedom is her true home. As for our relationship, it’s nothing special. To me, she’s just a friend. She comes and goes like the wind; I don’t even know where she is now, let alone have feelings for her.”

Hearing this, Huang Feifan finally relaxed. He was worried that Li Li might take Zhang Yi away, but Zhang Yi’s explanation put his mind at ease. Not knowing her whereabouts, Huang Feifan assumed Li Li had simply disappeared, perhaps gone elsewhere to steal. Yet, as Zhang Yi spoke of her, there was a trace of regret—he’d never had the chance to explain things before she left. He felt he owed her, and perhaps she left just to avoid seeing him. Still, Zhang Yi believed that one day they’d meet again, both changed: Li Li no longer a tomboyish thief, but a true young woman.

Zhang Yi was set to succeed Xiao Jian as captain of the team once Xiao Jian retired. Compared to that, he had more time to spend with Huang Feifan—let women wait.

In that moment, something subtle shifted between the two. Once, Zhang Yi and Huang Feifan thought of each other as nothing more than brothers, but now they realized they couldn’t live without one another. If someone else saw them, they might call it a sickness, but Zhang Yi didn’t see it that way. When Huang Feifan leaned on his shoulder, the word “homosexual” flashed through his mind. On reflection, he saw nothing wrong with it. Sometimes, shared hardship forges real feelings, unlike those who try just for fun and mostly fail.

Homosexuality—perhaps it’s not such a bad thing. Zhang Yi looked at Huang Feifan, unsure what he felt, but he was certain Huang Feifan had feelings for him. In the past, Zhang Yi had hurt his right arm to protect Huang Feifan, and Huang Feifan had been grateful. But over time, that gratitude blossomed into affection. Huang Feifan thought to himself, “So, I actually like boys. But could he accept someone as strange as me?”

People call it strange only because their minds are closed. Two men close together are often seen as hopeless, but that’s not true. All the talk about reproduction and only heterosexuality being true love—he’d heard it all before. In this country, it’s not as open as abroad; perhaps that’s why same-sex couples are a rare sight in China.

Few are willing to change for the ones they love, and those who do are rare—because fake love is easily exposed. The fate of two people can change in the future.

Huang Feifan hesitated. “Zhang Yi, can I move out of my house and live with you? I don’t want to upset my mother anymore.”

Zhang Yi was puzzled. “Live with me? You’d better think it over. If you move in, there’s no going back.”

Huang Feifan opened his mouth, then paused. This time, he really had moved out for good. If you looked closely, you’d see two suitcases outside Zhang Yi’s room. After the bullying yesterday, Huang Feifan went home, packed his things, and told his mother he was moving out so as not to trouble her anymore.

His mother tried to persuade him to stay, but his mind was made up. She could only see him off with tears in her eyes. After he left, she fell to her knees and wept uncontrollably.