Chapter Eighty-Three

When Zhang Yi entered the bathroom, Huang Feifan, whose face was burning red, covered her cheeks and furtively peeked through a crack at the bathroom door. She closed the door and stamped her foot. “This Zhang Yi can’t even tell my gender—and he calls himself my best friend… Might as well say he’s my sister. Am I male or female? I’ve forgotten myself.”

Hearing this, one might wonder what’s going on. Huang Feifan’s gender is, in fact, female, but her physique, voice, and name have always led everyone to assume she’s male. Actually, from the moment she was born, her gender was concealed. Whenever she filled out forms, she marked herself as male—her mother had told her that if no one knew she was a girl, she would be safe from bullying. There was nothing inherently wrong with this advice, but after living as a boy for so long, Huang Feifan had lost sight of her original identity. She continued to live as a man until now, when Zhang Yi began to suspect something about his own body, Huang Feifan suddenly remembered she was a girl and panicked.

Zhang Yi didn’t press further, temporarily sparing her from interrogation. But after his bath, if he asked more questions, even if she felt confident answering, if her answers were too direct, he might grow suspicious. Huang Feifan’s heart hung in suspense as she silently prayed.

After praying, she sighed helplessly. “Would he accept me as a ‘monster’?” She didn’t know why she used that word. A brother turning into a woman would surely make people think of a freak, but that was only Huang Feifan’s own worry—reality might not be so harsh. She decided to wait until Zhang Yi finished his bath to see what would happen.

Looking at her own ample chest, Huang Feifan didn’t know why her face was so flushed. Zhang Yi’s suspicious gaze at her chest was still unforgettable; it was as if he wanted to devour her.

Half an hour later, Zhang Yi emerged from the bathroom in a bathrobe and returned to the room. Huang Feifan had already changed into her pajamas—pink and girlish. Zhang Yi knew about her quirky tastes and said nothing; everyone has their habits, and asking too much might make him seem a gossip-monger.

Still, Zhang Yi couldn’t help but revisit his earlier questions. “Feifan, are you sure you haven’t lied to me about your gender? Your chest muscles are really developed. And after you showered, I noticed a scent—almost like perfume. Are you hiding something?” Zhang Yi began to doubt Huang Feifan.

Huang Feifan had anticipated this and had mentally prepared herself while Zhang Yi was bathing, repeatedly reminding herself not to panic. She silently rehearsed her answers, determined to respond well to Zhang Yi’s doubts.

“What’s so strange about that? I just like to spray perfume after bathing—isn’t that normal?” Huang Feifan replied to the question about her scent. Zhang Yi accepted that explanation, but the fragrance was clearly feminine, so he pressed further. “I hope you’re not lying. Let me ask again—why are your chest muscles so developed? Why didn’t I notice any changes before? And after your bath, you act especially like a girl. Tell me the truth!”

Huang Feifan was momentarily at a loss for words; these questions struck right at her heart. Seeing her unable to answer, Zhang Yi laughed. “Alright, alright, I’m just teasing you. Why are you so nervous, brother? Look at you, scared out of your wits.”

Only when she realized Zhang Yi was just joking did Huang Feifan breathe a sigh of relief. Zhang Yi was truly skilled at startling people, and the fact he didn’t pursue the matter further was a stroke of luck. Huang Feifan said nothing more, instead flopping onto the bed and burying her head in the pillow. Seeing her like this only made Zhang Yi more eager to mess with her.

Zhang Yi mischievously slapped Huang Feifan’s backside. Perhaps her reflexes were slow; a minute later came her anguished cry. Zhang Yi’s strength must have been substantial, for Huang Feifan sprang up from the bed, her whole body convulsing with pain, her eyes full of resentment as she glared at Zhang Yi, as if she could kill him with her gaze.

Huang Feifan was unsure if Zhang Yi’s behavior was taking advantage of her. In his ignorance of her true gender, perhaps it was, but what did it matter? If Zhang Yi knew Huang Feifan was a girl, he’d surely sleep on the floor rather than risk impropriety.

Huang Feifan could only smile bitterly. When would this fool discover her secret? As she pondered, Zhang Yi caught her off guard again, disheveling her hair. The hair she’d painstakingly pinned up now revealed itself as long, thanks to Zhang Yi’s antics.

Zhang Yi sniffed her long hair. “Wow! Feifan, I never expected you to grow your hair out! Why keep it pinned up? Why not show off your ponytail?”

Huang Feifan was left speechless. Even now, he hadn’t figured it out? Never mind—it might be better if he never knew. Perhaps living as a boy alongside him would make her days brighter than those hellish ones of the past.

After their playful tussling, both were exhausted and soon sleepy. Zhang Yi crawled under the covers first; the air conditioner was set to a chilly sixteen degrees, making it ideal for blankets. But this posed a dilemma for Huang Feifan—it was her first time sharing a bed with Zhang Yi. Though she had rested her head on his shoulder for comfort, sleeping beside him felt shameful, especially for someone not yet an adult.

Seeing Huang Feifan hesitate, Zhang Yi asked, “Aren’t you cold? Don’t you like sharing a bed with me?” This question stumped Huang Feifan, who replied, “It’s not that I dislike sleeping in the same bed with you—I’m just used to sleeping alone. It feels odd to share with another guy.” Her explanation left Zhang Yi puzzled.

“We’re two grown men—nothing will happen. You’re just overly sensitive. Should I take matters into my own hands?” Zhang Yi got out of bed and made as if to carry Huang Feifan onto it. Instinctively, she retreated, protecting herself. “Don’t mess around! It’s my first time, you know!”

“What first time? Looks like you haven’t grown up yet. If you end up having to share a bed with a roommate in the future, you’ll need to overcome this hurdle. So surrender!” Zhang Yi had already scooped Huang Feifan up and slung her over his shoulder.

Huang Feifan cried out, but with only the two of them there, her shouts were futile. She felt as if she were about to lose herself. Zhang Yi, hearing her cries, grew suspicious again. “You really sound like a girl, but you’re a guy—why act so feminine? I remember you weren’t like this before!”

“That was then, this is now. We’ve grown up, so naturally we’re a bit more shy. It’s my first time—be gentle with me.” Once Zhang Yi placed her on the bed, Huang Feifan’s face grew even redder.

“First time, my foot! Stop saying such mushy things. I’m tired. If you dare get out of bed for anything other than the bathroom, don’t let me catch you doing anything strange.” Zhang Yi spoke to her like a parent, and Huang Feifan nodded obediently, though inside she felt resistant. This was her first time sharing a bed with Zhang Yi—her first time with any man, in fact.

When the lights went out, Huang Feifan was so nervous the entire bed shook. Zhang Yi grumbled, “Could you stop shaking? You’ll collapse the bed at this rate.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to. I’m just not used to this bed yet,” Huang Feifan replied softly, making Zhang Yi shudder, but he soon fell asleep, giving her a chance to breathe.

Huang Feifan thought to herself, “Why is today so hard to bear? If tomorrow, or the day after, or the next are like this, how will I endure? Why is my fate so bitter?” She covered her face, recalling recent events, but with Zhang Yi already asleep, she had no more time to think.

Zhang Yi rolled over and wrapped his right arm around Huang Feifan’s waist. The waist is the most sensitive place for a woman; as soon as he embraced her, Huang Feifan trembled from head to toe.